Political Roast Of Gov. Rod Blagojevich-Cartoons

"Hey, you probably saw this on the news. A very embarrassing moment at the Illinois State Capitol today. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich attended the opening of the nativity scene. And when the three wise men showed up with gifts for the baby Jesus, Blagojevich demanded half the loot." --Jay Leno







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Political Roast Late Night Political Jokes by Jay Leno

How many people in our studio audience got your seats tonight because you paid off Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich?" --Jay Leno



"Illinois Governor Rod Bla-son-of-a-bitch, is that how you say his name? Is it Bla-son-of-a-bitch? I think I'm saying that right. He was arrested for conspiring to sell the Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama. ... Let me tell you something. You know, you don't buy a Senate seat in this country. You take up donations. You go out. You lie to the American people. You make promises you are never going to keep. That's how you get to be a United States Senator." --Jay Leno



"And I love this story. Congress wants to appoint a government car czar to oversee the auto companies. Today, President Bush said, 'Car czar? Isn't he the president of Afghanistan?'" --Jay Leno



"Anyway, Congress wants to appoint someone to oversee the auto industry because they lack confidence that the car companies can solve the problem themselves. You know, the same way the Senate Budget Committee kept us within a budget, remember? And the way the banking committee kept the banks from failing. And the way the Senate Energy Committee made us energy independent. We need these kinds of oversights." --Jay Leno



"Don't you love watching congressmen lecture auto executives on how to run their business? I mean, you got people that put us a trillion dollars in debt lecturing people who put us a billion dollars in debt." --Jay Leno



"Barack Obama said that he will not smoke cigarettes while he's in the Oval Office. He's kind of a closet smoker. So, he said he wouldn't smoke. And President Bush actually defended him today. President Bush said he smokes a cigar on rare occasions. He says it helps him think. Apparently it's a very rare occasion." --Jay Leno



"And President Bush talked about his religious believes on ABC's 'Nightline' the other night. When the host asked Bush if he was a literalist when it came to the bible, Bush said, no, no, he's actually a Methodist." --Jay Leno



"And today, in Hollywood, some same-sex marriage supporters urged people to call in gay and not go to work to show how much our country relies on the gay and lesbian people in the workforce. Interesting idea, but it kind of backfired here in Hollywood. When they called in, there was nobody there to answer the phone." --Jay Leno



"So, how does that work? When you call in gay to take the day off, do you have to prove it? Do you have to have a note from another gay guy? Does the note have to be signed and notarized by another gay person to make sure?" --Jay Leno



"But today, Senator Larry Craig called in not gay. Actually, he tapped the message in code with his foot." --Jay Leno

Bleep! Illinois governor recordings show colorful language

CHICAGO (Reuters) – What the bleep?

An allegation that Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich conspired to sell President-elect Barack Obama's seat in the U.S. Senate to the highest bidder isn't the only shocker contained in the 76-page criminal complaint unveiled by the FBI on Tuesday.

Excerpts of tape-recorded conversations between the governor, his wife and various advisers contained in the complaint showed Blagojevich frequently using language that would have made Chicago's own Al Capone blush as he allegedly plotted to use public office for private gain.

Patrick Fitzgerald, the poker-faced federal prosecutor heading the case, used the word "bleep" several times as he gave details of the expletive-laced conversations during a news conference announcing corruption charges against Blagojevich.

Talking about Blagojevich's alleged effort to get a person benefiting from a $1.8 billion tollway project to raise $100,000 for him, Fitzgerald said the governor told an aide: "'I could have made a larger announcement but wanted to see how they would perform by the end of the year. If they don't perform, bleep 'em.' That's a quote. And the word 'bleep' was not the word he used.'"

The document cited by Fitzgerald gave other details, this time using the word 'expletive,', rather than 'bleep.'

"I can drive a hard bargain. You hear what I'm saying. And if I don't get what I want and I'm not satisfied with it, then I'll just take the Senate seat myself," the governor allegedly said of filling the U.S. Senate seat, speaking with a person identified only as Advisor A the day before the November 4 election that Obama won.

A Senate seat, "is a (expletive) valuable thing, you just don't give it away for nothing," the document cited him as saying.

Blagojevich is meant to fill the Senate seat that Obama vacated soon after his election win. Both men are Democrats, although Obama had long kept his distance from the governor of his home state.

A week after the election, the charges cite a conversation with his chief of staff, John Harris, in which Blagojevich said he knew that backers of Obama wanted "Senate Candidate 1" for the open seat but "they're not willing to give me anything except appreciation. them."

Fitzgerald said there was no evidence of any discussions between Obama and Blagojevich on the open Senate seat.

Obama also told reporters: "I had no contact with the governor or his office and so I was not aware of what was happening. But as I said it is a sad day for Illinois."

According to the document, Blagojevich was similarly forceful in his language when speaking about how he wanted to see his editorial critics on the Chicago Tribune newspaper fired.

The charges against Blagojevich weren't about the swearing, of course.

But it was all reminiscent of the transcripts of tapes of former President Richard Nixon's Oval Office conversations that surfaced during the 1970s Watergate scandal. The one phrase from those transcripts that everyone recalls?

"Expletive deleted."
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