"On this date in 2001 ... George W. Bush was certified as the winner of the 2000 presidential election. How about that? That turned out pretty well, didn't it?" --David Letterman
"By the way, First Lady Laura Bush, Laura Bush is writing a memoir. The name of the memoir, I believe, is 'I'm with Stupid.'" --David Letterman
"Tomorrow, President Bush is hosting a White House lunch for President-elect Barack Obama, former President Jimmy Carter and former President Bill Clinton. So that's like an historic luncheon. It will be Barack Obama, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton. At least that's what Bill is telling Hillary." --David Letterman
"A new survey indicates that Barack Obama is the most admired man in America. Most admired man in America. That makes pretty good sense, don't you think? I'm also on the list, thank you. Thank you very much. I'm a little farther down. I'm between Richard Simmons and Bernie Madoff. But I'm on the list." --David Letterman
"The Secret Service has unveiled a new state-of-the-art limousine for Barack Obama. A million dollars for this state-art-limousine. Meanwhile, today, John McCain closed a deal on a used LeSabre. But the limousine is massive. It's a three ton, it's a tank-like vehicle, or, as GM calls it, it's a compact." --David Letterman
"But here's good news for Obama. The new tank-like limousine is shoe proof, so that's good news." --David Letterman
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